



^.* ^^ 



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PEDAGOGICS, 



"Y's \'^ 



^0 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1866, by 

H. M. CRIDER, 

in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States, for the 
Eastern District of Pennsylvania. 



STEREOTYPED BY L. JOHNSON & COMPANY, 

PHILADELPHIA. 

SHERMAN & CO., PRINTERS. 



CONTENTS. 



Page 
Introduction 7 

I. Boanerges ...... 14 

II. Morpheus .25 

III. Stultum 86 

IV. Uxorious ....... 48 

V, Ninny Numskull 55 

VI. Minnie Volo 64 

VII. Bonus 71 

VIII. Patrons and Pupils 78 

Conclusion 83 

5 



NTRODUCTION. 



Should you ask me, whence these verses? 
Whence these lines, on Pedagogics, 
Telling of the many teachers, 
Of the teachers who've been teaching. 
Of the teachers who were learned. 
And the teachers who lacked learning; 
Of the teachers who were active. 
And the teachers who were sluggish. 
Of the teachers who were witty. 
And the teachers who were foolish. 
Of the teachers who were friendly 
And the teachers who were peevish. 



8 PEDAGOGICS. 

Of the teachers of both sexes, 
And their skill in teaching children ? 
I should answer, I should tell you, 
Some have come by observation, 
Some have come by conversation 
With the patrons and the pupils. 
Were you now to ask the questions, 
Who are they who told you these things? 
From what school-house are the pupils ? 
From what district are the x3atrons? 
Near what village are they living? 
I should answer you by saying. 
All the patrons in 3'our county 
Have said something, good or evil, 
Of the teachers and their teaching, 
When the teachers were not present. 
Of the many things they told me. 
Of the many hard expressions. 
Some are truths and some are falsehoods, 
Some are proper, some improper. 



INTRODUCTION. 

But they told me many more things 

Than the things I here shall mention ; 

For the patrons of some districts 

Never fail to tell the people 

All about their teacher's teaching, 

All about his many wrangles, 

All about his education, 

With an air of condemnation. 

If still further you should ask me, 

^'"Why do you proclaim in public 

All you've heard about the teachers? 

All you've heard about their failings?' 

I should answer, I should tell you, 

I'll declare what others told me. 

Whether it be good or evil, 

Whether it be strange or curious ; 

I'll relate a candid story. 

The best reason I can give you 

For my writing on this subject. 

Of the old style of school-masters, 



10 PEDAGOGICS. 

Is, that future generations 

May know something of the teachers, 

May know something of the strange schools, 

"Which their ancestors attended, 

Through a source that's not official. 

I was told to write this story 

By a friend of the profession, 

While myself engaged in teaching: 

"Yes," he said, "go on and write it. 

In the style of Hiawatha, 

And embalm the curious teachers 

Who were teaching in log cabins, 

In the days when we were younger." 

If you should impose more questions. 

And insist that I now tell you , 

Where these many strange things happened ; 

I should answer, I should tell you, 

That by far the most have happened 

In the great State of the I^orth land, 

In the State of coal and iron. 



INTRODUCTION. 11 

Known by many as the Keystone, 
Which its natives think surpasses 
Any other in the Union, 
Both in wealth and noble daring: 
E'ow, I pray, ask no more questions. 
While I tell you of the teachers. 
Those of whom I mean to tell you, 
!N"early all, are country teachers, 
Teachers from the rural districts. 
Should you ask, is it the author 
Who is sometimes represented 
As a teacher in this poem? 
I should answer you by saying, 
Should the author sketch his teachine:. 
Tell about his own shortcomings. 
Through the medium of these verses. 
His, perhaps, are like the errors 
Of the many who've been teaching: 
And if he has had his failings. 
He shall be indeed quite happy 



12 PEDAGOGICS. 

With much candor to confess them, 

And give some of his experience : 

For it is his aim and purpose 

To give all who read this story, 

But a true and faithful picture 

Of the old style of ^'School Keeping,*' 

"With a full delineation 

Of the present mode of teaching: 

Yet he positively tells you 

That he represents none fully. 

Whom he shall describe hereafter. 



f 



OANERGES 



The first teacher I shall notice 
Is a man who took to teachmg 
When our country first was settled. 
He was plying his vocation, 
When our fathers were but children; 
And the gentleman who told me 
Of this teacher and his teaching 
Was a subject of his training. 
In th^^e language that he told me, 
I shall now repeat his story. 

''Lono' ao;o there came a teacher, 
Old and grim, by no means tasty, 



13 



14 PEDAGOGICS. 

And he got permission somehow 
To teach urchins in the school-house, 
In the school-house of our district. 

" He was grim, as I have told you, 
And his power had no limit ; 
For indeed he was a tyi*ant, 
But the cliildren called him master, 
And as such they greatly feared him, 
Dreaded both his birch and hick'ry. 

"He was rough, uncouth, unpleasant, 
And kind words he never uttered : 
All his talking was like growling, 
All his conversation snappish : 
He would frown throughout the school term, 
And his eyebrows grew more heavy 
Daily as his frowns continued. 

" This old teacher was no scholar. 
But he had a voice like thunder, 
And we'll call him Boanerges. 
Boanerges was a genius, 



BOANERGES. 15 

And he cut some fun 113^ capers : 
He would often make the bad boys 
Stand up in the old dance-corner, 
With the dunce-cap on their foreheads. 
Yet he always used his cudofel 
"When he felt enraged at pupils. 
He would often walk the school-room 
With his big and knotty cudgel 
Tightly pressed against his left side 
By the bone we call the humerus. 
When he used his pond'rous cudgel, 
He would lay it witliout mercy 
On the backs of his young pupils; 
And he knew of no exceptions, 
For he flogged them by the benchful. 
Yet his punishment was various: 
Some upon the hand he feruled, 
Some he punished with his hick'ry. 
Some upon one leg he stationed, 
Very near the hot stove stood tliem, 



16 PEDAGOGICS. 

Till they were so badly roasted 
That a spell of sickness followed: 
Sometimes by the hair he pulled them, 
Sometimes by the ears he jerked them, 
And upon the ears he boxed them 
And he yelled, ' Come mind your lessons^' 
While upon the head he rapped them. 
But the strangest mode of torture 
That the pupils e'er had heard of, 
Is the one I now shall mention : 
For a vise, he used his knee joints. 
Which his purpose well did answer, 
When he came to flog the guilty: 
In this vise their heads he grappled. 
While he beat them with his ruler, 
Screams extorting, screams of ' murder' ! 
Truly he was better posted 
In the difl"rent styles of torture, 
Than he was in styles of teaching; 
And his pupils feared him greatly. 



BOANERGES. 

In the morning came the children, 
Came the children like snails creeping, 
Ent'ring school with great reluctance. 
In the days of Boanerges. 
Came the big girls in the winter, 
Big girls who were more than twenty, 
Brought their knitting and their sewing 
To improve their intermissions. 

''Boanerges very often 
Left the school, and staid for hours. 
Loafing at the ueighb'ring houses : 
Thus he spent the time at noonday, 
"Which he called his leisure moments. 
In his absence, some large pupils, 
Who were strong and never idle 
Only during study hours. 
Took to wrestling in the school-house. 
Upset bucket, stove, and benches. 
Teacher's desk turned topsy-turvy, 
Spilled his ink around, within it, 

2 



• 



18 PEDAGOGICS. 

Spilled it ou his books and papers : 
This would set him all a-ravino:, 
For, returning, none would tell him 
Who had done the horrid mischief; 
Which his ire much augmented. 
But to gratify his temper, 
And be sure to hit the guilty, 
He would flog both big and little. 
All the school from A to Izzard: 
Thus each day, on his returning, 
He had sundry scrapes to settle. 
While he heard their recitations. 
Pupils stood all warped and sluggish 
In their crooked, awkward classes; 
When some big boy who was strongest. 
Bent on making rare disorder. 
Pushed the whole class, on a sudden, 
Sev'ral feet from its position. 
In the evening all the children 
Felt quite anxious to be leaving. 



BOANERGES. • 19 

And prepared to make a great rush, 
Long before he had dismissed them: 
They would gather up their baskets, 
Get their bonnets and their red shawls, 
Get their hats and all things ready, 
Ready for a quick departure, 
Long before the leaving signal. 
"When the teacher had dismissed them, 
All was bustle and confusion: 
Each one strove to be the first one 
Out to get and scamper homeward. 
Or prepare to ' tag' his fellows, 
Or perchance to hunt some ball bat 
That he claimed the right of taking. 
As they passed out of the school-house, 
Each one said, ' Good evening, blaster,' 
And each tried to scream the loudest 
As he gave the salutation. 

"This old teacher boarded nowhere, 
But around among the scholars, 



20 PEDAGOGICS. 

And the boys ran home before him, 

Got the dogs to watch the gate-way, 

So the teacher could not enter 

Till the dogs had torn his breeches, 

Or perchance his legs had bitten. 

Boanerges chewed tobacco. 

And he used it so profusely 

That it made him very nervous. 

And he trembled much wdiile writing; 

Hence he wrote a nervous copy. 

Quite unfit for imitation. 

He was careless in his manners. 

He was filthy in his habits ; 

Thus his comp'ny was unpleasant. 

When he visited his patrons, 

He would squirt tobacco spittle 

On the carpet of his hostess. 

Boanerges, though no scholar, 

"Was yet keen for spelling matches, 

And his pupils were good spellers: 



BOANERGES. 21 

But they never learned the meaning 
Of the words they spelled correctly; 
And the different sounds of letters 
Boanerges never taught them: 
I^either did he teach them grammar 
For he'd never studied grammar, 
And he thought it was quite useless, 
As it was so rarely called for: 
Oft he called it much high learning, 
Apt to make the people haughty. 

" Though the pupils feared their master, 
Yet they barred him out at Christmas, 
And with their united efforts 
Easily held the situation. 
While the children held the school-house, 
Which had now become a castle. 
They observed no rules of order. 
But they cut and broke the benches. 
And they spoiled the doors and windows: 
And the door, they would not open, 



22 PEDAGOGICS. 

Which was spiked and nailed securely, 
Which had benches propped against it; 
Till the teacher signed their paper, 
Till he promised that he'd treat them. 
Feast them with some cakes and candies, 
Apples, or some other dainties. 

"In these davs of lio'ht and knowledo-e, 
Barring out is done away with. 
Save in those rare places only 
Where the patrons are like heathen, 
And the children mean and brainless. 

" We are glad that in those places 
Where the schools are best conducted, 
Where we find the most refinement, 
Children yearly make a present 
To their teacher, of some value, 
And are better, more attentive. 
More devoted to their studies. 
Than they were in years before this. 
When the teachers fed their pupils 



BOANERGES. 23 

With some apples, cakes, or candies, 
Near the holidays of winter. 

"Boanerges always treated, 
Treated all the lads and lasses, 
Overgrown young men and maidens. 
To some cakes and fio-s and candies; 
And he found in his experience 
That the school was well attended 
When the dainties were divided ; 
Though the weather was inclement, 
Yet they failed not to be present: 
Some who had one day attended 
In the early part of autumn. 
Some who ne'er before were present, 
Did attend on that occasion." 

Some of you know Boanerges, 
Some of you must recognize him ; 
For he represents some teachers 
Who were teaching in the by-gone, 
In the days of olden school-times. 



24 PEDAGOGICS. 

When tlie boys did fetch the water 

And were sometimes gone for hours; 

When the wood was chopped by school-boys, 

Who preferred such recreation 

To confinement in the school-room. 

But we leave old Boanerges ; 

Since, when free schools were adopted, 

With the many reformations, 

With the hard examinations, 

All of which he greatly dreaded. 

He abandoned the profession. 



n. 



M, 



ORPHEUS. 



Morpheus is the next we notice 
Of the teachers we have heard of. 
He was quite a lazy fellow ; 
He was quite a careless teacher ; 
He was a tremendous sleeper, 
And so soundly slept at daybreak, 
That his host could scarce disturb him, 
Scarce could rouse him from his shimbers, 
Though he blew a trumpet near him, 
Thou2:h he beat a o-ouo; to wake him. 
Morpheus always reached the school-house 
Somewhat later than his pupils; 

25 



26 PEDAGOGICS. 

And could see, on liis arrival, 

Children, cold and almost frozen, 

Who were standing there and shivering, 

"Waiting for some fire to warm at: 

For his sal'ry was so scanty. 

That he had employed no person 

To make fire in the morning, 

Or to sweep the school-house early. 

Morpheus sometimes swept his school-house, 

And sometimes the children swept it; 

But 'tis useless here to mention 

That it needed sweeping oft'ner ; 

For the litter, dust, and mortar. 

On the floor of Morpheus' school-house. 

Almost covered it completely. 

But his room was more than filthy ; 

For 'twas badly ventilated : 

Hence the air was quite unhealthy. 

Caring for the health of children, 

Morpheus thought, was not his duty ; 



MORPHEUS. 27 

"To hear children say their lessons, 
And to keep thern at their places, 
And to scold them when they're noisy, 
And to whip them when the}' need it, 
Is my duty," thought old Morpheus, 
" Only this, and nothing further." 
He confined his pupils often. 
Oft confined them, to their inj'ry. 
In a certain strange position. 
He ne'er gave an intermission 
But the long recess at noonday; 
"For," said he, "they come to study, 
^ot to waste their precious moments 
Idly taking recreation." 
He believed that education 
Did consist in certain knowledge, — 
Claiming that the mental powers 
Only should be educated; 
Thus he quite forgot the body, 
While the soul he never thought of. 



28 PEDAGOGICS. 

Morpheus taught no cleanly habits 
To the pupils in his school-room ; 
He cared little for his person, 
For his manners or his habits, 
Since his mouth was iilthy-looking, 
And his breath was quite offensive. 
For he brushed his teeth but seldom. 
He was careless in his dressing, 
And his hair was combed but rarely, 
While the nails upon his fingers 
Had a rim of filth around them, 
"While his clothes were always dusty. 
Since he very rarely brushed them; 
And his shoes were never blackened. 
As he never studied neatness. 
Morpheus was so very careless. 
That he never met his pupils 
At their seats while they were writing, 
At their seats while they were studying; 
And he ne'er explained the letters 



MORPHEUS. 29 

On the blackboard to his pupils, 
"While they were engaged in writing : 
This is all he told his pupils : 
" Every down stroke must be shaded, 
If you wish to make good writers." 
He would never try to help them 
In their efforts to grow wiser: 
He would squat into his arm-chair 
In the morning when school opened, 
And throughout the day remain there. 
He was dull in mind and body, 
And ne'er made the least improvement 
In the branches he was teachinsr. 
Since he entered the profession. 
He ne'er read a work on teaching, 
Ne'er attended teachers' meetings, 
N'e'er performed at their conventions. 
He had his own style of teaching. 
He had his own tedious routine. 
And would change on no occasion. 



30 PEDAGOGICS. 

But I think I liear the question 
Asked by some oue of my readers, 
"How did Morpheus spend his evenings? 
In his study, with his school-books, 
Laboring to be better 'posted' 
In the branches he was teaching?" 
E"ay, he spent them in the bar-room, 
Talking nonsense with the rowdies ; 
In the store-room, on the counter. 
Sucking in fresh streams of knowledge. 
Through a long stem, from a smoke-pipe: 
Boasting of his education, 
Talking of his skill in teaching. 
Spending all his brains on nothing. 
]N"ow you'll say it is no wonder 
That he always said, ''I'm rusty," 
When he went to be examined. 
Once I went his school to visit. 
Went to see his mode of teaching, 
And to see him give instruction ; 



MORPHEUS. 31 

Went to see the lads and lasses. 



And to see what I could learn there, 
That wonld be for my improvement. 
That would help me in my teaching. 
When I walked into the school-room, 
All the scholars stared with wonder, 
Stared, for they'd been taught no hotter, 
Asking' from their nearest fellows, 
"Who is he?" and, "What's he wanting?" 
While the children all were whispering, 
Growing more and more tempestuous. 
While the teacher was embarrassed. 
Making some most woful blunders, 
We were sitting there and thinking. 
Who could study in this bustle. 
In this room of sad confusion? 
Soon the teacher tried to still them. 
Tried to still his noisy pupils, 
Spoke>in tones like Boanerges, 
Called them "noisy little villains,' 



32 PEDAGOGICS. 

Called them "lazj little blockheads," 
And declared that he would whip them. 
If they would not now be quiet, 
And begin to learn their lessons. 
For a while the noise abated, 
And some pupils seemed to study; 
But just then there came a wagon 
Rattling by the school-house window. 
Up jumped all the female scholars 
Who were sitting near the window; 
All were anxious to be seeing, 
For the boys stood on the benches, 
Straining hard to see the wagon. 
Morpheus spoiled these active pupils 
By his careless, stupid teaching; 
He had failed to keep them busy. 
Failed to furnish such employment 
For the chiklren of the school-room 
As would tend to stimulate them 
With ambition to gain knowledge ; 



MORPHEUS. 33 

Hence his pupils oft were idle, 
And, of course, would study mischief, 
And would oft befool their teacher 
With their many strange devices. 
They would often play such trick'ry, 
And would oft commit such mischief, 
As they knew w^ould make him angry, 
And secure to them a flogging: 
But no fears their tricks prevented; 
Though he beat them most severely. 
Though he flogged them without mercy. 
Yet they feared no consequences, 
For they were prepared to meet them. 
And to take them without murm'ring. 
And to take them without feeling; 
For they had procured sole-leather. 
Which they wore beneath their clothing, 
Cov'ring both their back and shoulders; 
Hence, the punishment inflicted. 
When he flogged them so severely, 

3 



34 PEDAGOGICS. 

Beat them witli the birch and hick'iy, 
Till his strength was quite exhausted, 
Was scarce felt by these brave fellows ! 

Morpheus taught in that log school-house 
Which had horizontal windows, 
Which had long and narrow windows. 
Which had great long writing-benches, 
Made of planks both thick and heavy ; 
For they must have great dimensions, 
To withstand the constant whittling 
Which the children much indulged in ; 
For they cut the benches daily. 
Cut their names on desks and benches, 
Till the edges next the pupils 
Did a large-toothed saw resemble ; 
And upon the upper surface 
The initials of some students, 
Or perchance some fancy pictures, 
Could be seen by the observer. 

Now, the reason that the children 



MORPHEUS. 35 

Cut and whittled at the benches, 
Is because their hizj teacher 
Had not found them occupation: 
Thus they were engaged in mischief; 
For we learn that Satan always 
Finds employment for the idle. 

Morpheus never made objections 
To the whittling of the benches, 
As he thought it was a license 
That was granted to each pupil. 

Morpheus might have well succeeded 
In his efforts to teach children, 
Had he not been quite too lazy 
To impart the best instructions. 
Or improve himself in learning. 

We now leave this lazy teacher. 
Hoping he will quit the business, 
To make room for better teachers, — 
Those who are more live and anxious 
To improve the minds of pupils. 



m. 



pTULTUM 



Give me your attention further, 

And I'll tell you very frankly 

Of another teacher's habits: 

Should you ask me what his name is, 

I should answer, it is Stultum ; 

Jonas Stultum is his full name ; 

And, as many miss their calling. 

He had truly missed his, also. 

Stultum taught in that old school-house 

On the rough ridge near the viUage; 

For when he engaged in teaching, 

They would always build the school-house 

"^36 



STULTUM. 37 

On some land unfit for tilling, 

On some ground tliey thought was useless, 

Worthless for another purpose. 

Stultum wasted much time daily 

In correcting those who'd broken 

Some of his strange regulations; 

For his rules were very numerous, 

And so constantly increasing, 

That no pupil could have learned them. 

Had he used them for his text-hook, 

Had he kept a copy with him, 

Had he read them in the morning. 

Had he studied them at evening, 

Had he dreamed of them while sleeping, 

He could never have been posted 

So as to avoid confusion. 

Though his rules were very many. 

And though Stultum often read them. 

Yet they did not bind the pupils, 

IsTor did they prevent the big boys 



38 PEDAGOGICS. 

From committing depredations ; 
For at noon they clubbed together, 
And they wandered to some orchard, 
To some orchard not far distant. 
To steal apples, pears, and peaches : 
They became so well acquainted 
With the nearest neighbors' orchards, 
That they knew which tree had early. 
Which had sweet, and which had sour, 
Which had ripe and mellow apples. 

Jonas Stultum was quite selfish. 
And quite partial in his treatment, 
In his usage of the pupils: 
Some he scolded, some he smiled on; 
Children who were well provided 
With the finest, richest clothing. 
And whose parents were called wealthy. 
Fared quite well with Jonas Stultum. 

He ne'er whipped his little cousins, 
Ne'er imposed on them correction; 



STULTUM. 39 

But alas for orphan children, 

Those who could not claim his favors, 

Or those who had needy parents. 

Or to him bore no relation ! 

Such he flogged without compassion. 

He oft punished one he hated, 
For some deed he had committed. 
When the same was tolerated 
In the conduct of another 
But a day or two before that. 

Stultum was a shameful coward; 
For he punished little children, 
Punished them the most severely, 
When some larger ones he'd pardoned 
For the very same offences 
But a little while preceding. 

He had many favorite pupils 
Whom he never dared to punish. 

He w^ould oft compare the children. 
Oft compare them with each other, 



40 PEDAGOGICS. 

Making some seem wise and learned, 
Others dull and very mulish. 

He would often cause dull children 
To feel mean, and so discouraged 
That they never felt like learning; 
Thus the school-room they avoided. 

Stultum loved some of his pupils, 
Much he loved them, yes, so dearly 
That he dreamed of them at midnight. 
He would sit by them at noonday. 
And would court them for their sweetness, 
For their sweetness and their beauty; 
But the scholars whom he loved so. 
Whom he courted for their beauty. 
Were young ladies, — female scholars, 
Neatly clad, and quite bewitching 
To the young and verdant teacher. 
He would often sit quite near them, 
Sit and talk for half an hour. 
Fondle, flatter, and caress them. 



STULTUM. 41 

And neglect his other pupils. 

Stultum tried to make the children 
Think him quite a famous scholar, 
When he ne'er had made an effort 
To improve himself in learning. 
He pretended to know all things, 
When he scarcely had a smattering 
Of the common English branches, — 
Of the branches he was teaching, 
^ot a branch that he was teachins: 
Had he ever fairly mastered; 
And the subject of a study- 
He could never teach his pupils. 

When he heard a recitation, 
He would read those printed questions 
That were printed in the text-book, 
At the bottom of the pages ; 
And he was engaged in hunting 
What was given as the answer, 
Wbile the pupils gave the answer. 



42 PEDAGOGICS. 

Thus he deadened all the interest 
Found in any of the branches, 
By his superficial teaching. 
He taught much that was improper 
To the trusting minds of children: 
He taught wrong pronunciations, 
And he taught improper reasonings, 
And he gave improper answers 
To the questions of his pupils ; 
And he used much faulty grammar. 
Quite unworthy of a teacher, 
A disgrace to the profession. 
When he spoke of mathematics, 
All the problems and examples, 
All the questions with their answers, 
Were called "sums" by Jonas Staltum. 
Stultum taught his pupils grammar; 
But they did some woful parsing, 
Did it, too, by his assistance. 
When a word was quite perplexing. 



STULTUM. 43 

When no pupils understood it, 

When the teacher could not parse it, 

He would say, "It is an adverb; 

Let it go, it is an adverb." , 

When the children were up reading, 

He would often tell the pupils 

To mind all their stops and pauses, 

Without giving them their meaning. 

Oft, when teaching mathematics. 

He became completely puzzled 

With a so-called knotty question: 

He would ask some of his pupils 

How his predecessor solved it. 

Solved the problem that perplexed him. 

He was conscious of unfitness, 

Of unfitness as a teacher; 

But he taught for mere employment, 

Or to get a little money. 

And to gain some information, 

And to study many branches 



44 PEDAGOGICS. 

That before he scarce had heard of. 
Yet he called it a reviewing, 
A reviewing of some studies 
Which he had for years neglected, 
And in which he now felt rusty. 

He allowed the children always 
To select their course of study, 
JSTot regarding it his business 
To select with care their studies, 
To assign such studies to them 
As to them were most befitting. 
Many pupils studied hist'ry 
Ere they read, with ease or fitness, 
The most simple composition ; 
And he gave so many studies 
That his pupils were confounded. 
And thus slighted all their lessons. 

He considered it a virtue 
To protract the hours for teaching 
Longer than the usual period. 



STULTUM. 45 

Thus their energies were weakened 
By too constant application, 
And his pupils ceased their efforts ; 
For thej could endure no longer 
His outlandish impositions. 

He would stuff" instead of teach them; 
He would cram them with his lectures, 
"Which were senseless and erroneous. 

Stultum practised well his pupils 
On the exercise intended 
To be given when some strangers, 
Or directors, paid a visit, . 
Paid a visit to the school-room. 
When a stranger called to see him. 
He would summon his best classes, 
Ask them to recite the lesson 
They'd prepared for such occasions; 
After this, he made excuses 
For their having done no better. 

He would speak against the teacher 



46 PEDAGOGICS. 

Who had been his predecessor, 
Him who taught the previous winter, 
And was no doubt far superior 
To this foolish, boasting fellow. 

Stultum was a worthless teacher, 
Since he felt but little interest 
In the school he'd undertaken: 
A profession was his object. 
Therapeutics was his study, 
And he thought himself more worthy, 
More refined, and much more learned. 
Than the rest of mankind deemed him. 

Stultum once had been at college, 
And became so egotistic. 
And became so much inflated 
With the little he had studied. 
That the people could not bear with 
All his many vain pretensions. 
When in company he mingled, 
He was very much affected. 



STULTUM. 47 

Much affected in his manners, 
And so selfish in his hahits, 
That his presence was repulsive. 
He was pompous in his carriage, 
And pretended to know all things. 
He oft searched his dictionary 
For a word he thought high-sounding, 
Which he introduced in comp'ny, 
And would use it very often. 

Stultum was quite unsuccessful 
While engaged in this vocation. 
Hence he quit this great profession. 
And despised it ever after, 
Since his teaching was a failure. 



y 



lY. 



XORIOUS 



Young Uxorious is another 
Of the many who've been teaching. 
He was young and quite unguarded ; 
He was fond of ladies' comp'ny, 
And he sang the song of Cupid ; 
"As unto the boy the rod is, 
So unto the man is woman, 
Useless one without the other." 
"While he sang the song of Cupid, 
He met with a nymph who loved him. 
Loved him dearly, loved him strangely; 
With her beauty he was smitten, 

48 



UXORIOUS. 49 

And his heart longed to be with her ; 
Thus he often went to see her : 
In the evening, w^hen the school closed. 
He would try to make a visit 
To the house of his young sweetheart; 
And with her he often tarried, 
Tarried with her till the morning. 
And went to his school directly 
From the house of her he loved so, 
Went sometimes without his breakfast. 
Sometimes ate some pies or sweet cakes 
At the house of his beloved, 
Ere they had adjourned their courting; 
And sometimes she gave him breakfast 
In a package wrapped with paper, 
Which he ate on his w^ay thither. 
Young Uxorious was a teacher 
And a wooer at the same time — 
Loved his school less than his sweetheart. 
Thus he did neglect the former, 

4 



50 PEDAGOGICS. 

Since he gave his whole attention 

To his angel, as he called her, 

To Dulcinea, his fair one. 

Thus enamored of her beauty, 

Ever anxious to be near her, 

He cared little for his school now, — 

He abhorred his dull school routine. 

And felt restless and unhapp}^ 

In the absence of his darling. 

Though he lived a distance from her. 

Yet he often paid her visits 

At her home beyond the meadows; 

'Cross the meadows and the woodland, 

Where his angel dwelt securely 

In her father's rustic mansion. 

In the evening, when the school closed, 

He was eas-er to be leavins; ; 

And he hurried off to see her, 

While he studied how to greet her. 

He passed over moors and meadows, 



UXORIOUS. 51 

Left behind him barns and houses. 
Wandered on, of pleasure dreaming. 
Till he reached her home at sunset. 
There he halted, there he tarried; 
And he got so well acquainted 
That he often went on Friday, 
"Waited there till Monday morning, 
Then departed to his school-house. 
Which he left with less reluctance 
But the Friday night preceding. 

Thus his visits were repeated 
Till their hearts were bound together 
By a cord of Cupid's weaving, 
A cord never to be broken. 
Since 'twas followed by another. 
By a cord that bound them firmly. 
Bound them sweetly for a lifetime — 
'Twas the cord of matrimony. 

I shall now go on to tell you 
Somethino; of the famous weddino- 



52 PEDAGOGICS. 

That was held for young Uxorious. 

In the evening he was married 

To the one his heart had chosen, 

All the boys throughout the district 

Came with fifes and drums and cow-bells, 

Dinner-horns and old tin buckets, 

Came with guns and great horse-fiddles, 

To make music for the teacher. 

For the teacher and his lady. 

The loud din of these musicians 

Was so very, very hideous 

That it startled all the inmates, 

All the guests and all the household. 

With their rattling and their ringing. 

With their fifing and their fiddling, 

With their drumming and their shooting. 

They had frightened every creature 

Found around that habitation : 

They had scared both ducks and chickens, 

They had frightened pigs and horses; 



UXORIOUS. 53 

All the dogs and cows were frightened, 
All the pigs were loudl}^ squealing, 
All the ducks and geese were cackling, 
Cows were roaring, horses neighing, 
Dogs were barking, roosters crowing, 
Every thing was in commotion, 
And there was a great confusion. 

It was through this smitten teacher. 
By the force of his example. 
Or by some means that we know not, 
All the district was infected ; 
Young men all were fascinated, 
Captivated by the ladies. 
And there came a gen'ral marrying 
Of the farmers' charming daughters. 
In this strange and curious district. 
Where Uxorious found the damsel 
"Whom he wooed, and whom he married. 
With these words we leave Uxorious, 
Since 'tis needless here to mention 



54 PEDAGOGICS. 

That the ladies of this district 
Hope that many more such teachers, 
Guiding young men by example, 
Introducing such wise customs. 
May engage their school hereafter. 



Ninny N 



INNY NUMSKULL 



If you yet will give attention, 
I shall tell you now a story 
Of a certain female teacher, 
Who was not like Minnie Yolo, 
"Whom I'll tell you of hereafter. 
Should you now feel very anxious 
That this lady's name be mentioned, 
I should answer, I should tell you. 
She was known as Mnny J^umskull, 
But her mother called her '■'■ Schussel:'' 
For she stammered, and she muttered. 
And she giggled, and she stuttered 



55 



56 PEDAGOGICS. 

And she hobbled, and she staggeixd, 
And she tripped herself in walking; 
For she stumbled, and she blundered. 
And her talk her walk resembled; 
All her walking, all her talking. 
Was by fits and jerks, thej tell me. 

She had quite a poor idea 
Of the mind, or of its training; 
But she entered the profession 
Through her over-partial uncle, 
Who was chosen school director. 

She secured that school convenient 
To her father's rural dwelling; 
And her parents urged the matter. 
Saying, ^'She can't board with strangers; 
For," said they, ''her edicaiion 
Has already cost a plenty, * 

Since she went one term to college. 
During which we paid her boarding. 
Paid her many large expenses, 



uVINNY NUMSKULL. 57 

For she boarded in the colles-e." 

Mnny was unfit to govern 
Or control so many children. 

A selection of small children, 
"Whom she gathered up in S23ring-time, 
For whom charged the small tuition 
Mentioned in her lean subscription, 
Formed the first school for Miss Mnnj^: 
In this school she well succeeded. 

As her pupils ne'er accused her 

Of unfitness as a teacher. 
, She imagined she could read well, 

Since she imitated some one 

Whom she thought a model reader; 

But she knew not that the people 

Saw her reading was afi'ected. 

She would court the school commis'ner. 

Flatter him for gen'rous numbers 

At the next examination. 
She permitted all her pupils. 



58 PEDAGOGICS. 

All the children of both sexes, 
To enjoy recess together; 
At its close she tapped the window. 
To bring in the strolling children, 
Who felt no great inclination 
To return into their prison. 

Mnny's strange mode of instructing 
I^ever made the pupils thinkers : 
She would ask her scholars questions, 
And would give the answer also ; 
Having thus herself responded, 
She again would quickly ask them, 
"Is that answer not the right one?" 
And her pupils all said, "Yes, ma'am." 
While she thus was asking questions, 
I^one essayed to give an answer 
Until they had heard her statement; 
For they knew she always asked them. 
So that they could answer, "Yes, ma'am. 

Ninny oft would scold her pupils. 



NINNY NUMSKULL. 59 

Without thinking how unseemly 
And how useless is the custom. 
Scolding is a monstrous evil, 
And it is a vice most truly, 
And should ne'er be tolerated. 
In a school or in a fam'ly, 
It should never be permitted; 
Since the person who is scolded, 
'Who is scolded much and often, 
Learns indifference to such treatment; 
And the person who indulges 
In this hateful disposition 
Forms a stern and vicious habit. 

She would often threat to punish, 
But oft failed to keep her promise. 
Thus the children ceased to fear her, 
Learned to set at naught her threat'nings, 
Trifled with her regulations. 

If some lad had been unrulv, 
She would punish him severely 



60 PEDAGOGICS. 

By obliging him for hours 

To sit down between two school-girls 

Who, it was reported, loved him. 

Of all punishment inflicted. 

This she thought the most unpleasant 

For a lad of modest feelings ; 

Since young men whom she most fancied 

Always kept so distant from her : 

Though she powdered, though she painted, 

Yet it always was reported 

That she ne'er could find a lover. 

When her pupils ''learned their sjKllmg,'' 
You could hear a constant buzzins: 
Coming up from all the small groups, 
From the many groups of children 
That were scattered through the school-room. 

]N'inny failed to find employment 
For her lively, restless pupils ; 
Thus, abandoned to their mischief, 
They did sometimes bite each other, 



NINNY NUMSKULL. 61 

Sometimes they did scratch each other, 
And they bumped their heads together, 
And with chalk they marked each other, 
And with pens they jagged each other, 
Afid they often hit each other 
With some wads they'd made of pa|)er 

Sometimes, when she meant to punish, 
She would thrust the guilty pupil 
Into some dark room or cellar. 
Where he cried and screamed and trembled, 
Till his strength was quite exhausted. 
Some so frightened were in this way 
That their health was much affected. 

To the pupils just beginning, 
Kinny always taught the letters, 
All the letters, at one lesson, 
In a string, from A to Izzard : 
But to get the lesson perfect 
It would take them all the winter. 

With those pupils who were reading, 



62 PEDAGOGICS. 

She was satisfied completely, 

Wlien they'd "mind their stops and pauses." 

Though Miss E'umskull knew but little 
Of a proper education; 
Though she was, as I have told you, 
Quite unfit to govern children ; 
Yet her foolish blind employers. 
Ignoramus school directors, 
IN'ot directors, but directed. 
Those who did as others told them. 
Poor old women of male gender, 
Did engage her for two sessions ; 
Since they could employ her cheaper 
Than some teacher much more worthy. 
Who would not have taught them errors. 
Which are always very hurtful, 
And must be unlearned hereafter. 

But we leave the worthless Kinny, 
As the school-board ne'er employed her 
After she had taught two sessions. 



NINNY NUMSKULL. 63 

In tMs district where she figured, 
They employed no lady teacher, 
Until she was quite forgotten. 

There are other female teachers 
Whom this story would apply to, 
Would apply to, with this difference, 
That she failed to find employment 
After having taught two sessions. 



JA 



YI. 



iNNiE Yolo. 



I FEEL anxious now to tell you 
Of another lady teaclier, 
Who had great success in teaching, 
And whose name was Minnie Yolo. 

She was an accomplished teacher, 
She was quite a model mistress, 
E-uling those with moderation 
Wlio to her had been intrusted. 

Every pupil was desirous 
To obey her rules of order. 

She was friendly in her bearing, 
And she loved the little children, 

64 



MINNIE VOLO. (JO 

And they loved her for her kindness. 

Those young children who were timid. 
Minnie Yolo never frightened : 
For she ne'er was harsh or boist'rous, 
And she never thought of scolding, 
But with gentleness she ruled them, 
Yet with firmness and decision. 

She was cautious that the children 
Should respect her in their conduct. 
In their language and proceedings. 
She was not controlled by pupils, 
To their whims she ne'er submitted; 
She ne'er yielded to her scholars 
Any of her rules of order: 
But she was a royal mistress, 
Ruling all with gentle accents 
Who came under her instruction. 
And she kept the children busy; 
Hence they had no time for mischief. 
She would praise her pupils' merits, 



66 PEDAGOGICS. 

Till tliey vied for her approval. 
She intrusted the most vicious 
With some matters of importance, 
As if they could well be trusted. 

By a nobler class of motives, 
She would urge her pupils onward; 
Trusting more to moral suasion 
Than to shame or bod'ly suff'ring; 
Though there doubtless may be rude boys 
"Who need something very active, 
'Need the rod of birch and hick'ry 
Wielded by some robust teacher. 
Minnie always w^ell succeeded 
In controlling the most vicious 
By her quiet style of treatment, 
Though they knew not how she did it. 
But her school was all she cared for ; 
When she slept, she dreamed about it. 
When she 'woke, she spoke about it, 
She was always thinking of it. 



MINNIE VOLO. 67 

Thinking of some mode of teaching 
That might make her more successfuh 

At her boarding-house they loved her, 
For her quiet disposition. 

She was cautious in her language, 
She was winning in her manners; 
She was careful what impressions 
She might make on minds so tender. 

The most vicious were directed 
By her mild and kind instruction. 

She had made herself acquainted 
With each branch that she was teachins". 
With each pupil's disposition, 
With the parents of the children; 
Hence she gained a reputation 
Which the worthless ne'er acquire. 
She had made the patrons anxious 
To accept her invitations 
To make visits to the school-room, 
And take note of her improvements. 



68 PEDAGOGICS. 

She ne'er heard a recitation 

Till she had secured attention 

And suppressed all noise and whisp'ring. 

She obliged her pupils often 
To review with care their studies, 
So that all felt well acquainted 
With each branch that they had studied; 
And she ne'er allowed a pupil 
To pursue too many branches, 
Knowing that the mind is weakened, 
When it is so much divided; 
Knowing that 'tis best for pupils 
To learn well whate'er they study. 

Minnie Yolo was a scholar, 
And a very active student; 
She made use of fluent diction, 
And she spoke so very lovely. 
And she was so neat and perfect, 
So enchanting in her manners, 
That her pupils strove to please her, 



MINNIE VOLO. 69 

That they could not bear to grieve her. 

But the children and the patrons 
Were not all who loved this "school-marm:" 
For Miss Minnie quit the school-room, 
^N'ot for want of compensation, 
^ot because she lacked employers, 
But because one favored mortal 
Did eno'ao;e her heart forever. 

It ne'er happens that a lady. 
So accomplished and so winning 
As our charming Minnie Yolo, 
If engaged in this profession, 
Fails to get an invitation 
To abandon the profession. 
Thus, "farewell" said Minnie Yolo 
To the school-room and its duties 
"Where her heart was fondly centred. 
Till she found another object 
Which she loved with more devotion. 

Many years have passed since Minnie 



70 PEDAGOGICS. 

Left her school and its surroundings; 
And her pupils have not seen her 
In that quiet little village, 
Since that first farewell she gave them: 
Where she's gone they've often wondered, 
But in vain they have inquired : 
Would she pay them but a visit. 
Is the feeling of her pupils, 
They would all arise to bless her. 
For the many smiles she gave them, 
For her friendly admonitions. 
For her wise and good instructions. 
We shall now quit Minnie Yolo, 
With this offered benediction: 
Minnie Yolo live forever 
In the hearts and minds of loved ones. 



p 



YII. 



ONUS. 



"We shall now go on to tell you 
Of another worthy teacher : 
We shall tell you now of Bonus, 
Who is quite a model teacher: 
He is always in the school-room 
Very early in the morning, 
And he takes the greatest interest 
In the pupils he is training : 
And the pupils love their teacher, 
And they prize the school so highly, 
That they hail, with smiling faces. 
The returning of school-hours. 



71 



72 PEDAGOGICS. 

He convinces all around him, 
By his actions and his conduct, 
That he is their friend most truly. 

Bonus has the best of order : 
He himself is very quiet; 
He walks softly through the school-room, 
And his voice is low and soothing; 
Hence he ne'er disturbs his pupils. 
While the}^ are engaged in study ; 
And the children, too, are quiet. 
Since they learn, by good example, 
How to keep the best of order. 
'Tis a secret of some value. 
To a teacher who is noisy. 
That the quiet of his school-room 
May depend on his own conduct. 

Every class and recitation 
He conducts with perfect S3'Stem. 

Bonus has, as I may tell you. 
Rules of order few and simple. 



BONUS. 73 



Such as ne'er confuse his pupils. 
His idea very fully 
(Balance-wheel in all his system) 
Is expressed in one short sentence, 
It is this, "Do right," this only. 
This alone, and no addition. 

Every thing he makes so simple 
To the minds of his young pupils 
That they promptly understand it. 
And he keeps a memorandum. 
Into which he writes suggestions. 
And much useful information. 
Which may prove to his advantage. 

He is quite a finished scholar, 
And a very active teacher; 
He makes all the children anxious. 
By his wise and happy process, 
To gain wisdom and true culture. 
And prepare for useful service : 
Bonus studies how to please them, 



74 PEDAGOGICS. 

How to wake their minds from slumber; 
Every day he gives a puzzle, 
Or a question, to be answ^ered, 
To be answered on the next day, 
Which obliges all to study. 

He excites to competition 
Every pupil in the school-room. 
By some livel}^ exercises: 
Yet such novel entertainments 
Are not made to be his hobbies. 
But are used with greatest caution 
By this apt, ingenious tutor. 
Who keeps every thing in motion. 
And who keeps their minds so active 
That they learn without an effort. 

He recalls his childhood blunders, 
How his mind was then unskilful; 
He recalls his mode of study; 
He remembers how his teachers 
Failed to clear his difficulties, 



BONUS. 75 

And he guards against their errors. 

Of this branch he now is teachino- 

He recalls the knotty problems 

Which his mind so much bewildered, 

When he undertook the study: 

Then he sets about his labors, 

And makes every thing so simple" 

That the children feel delighted. 

He ne'er does their labor for them, 

But he indicates the method, 

So that they may do the labor 
And secure the mental profit. 

Oft in solitude he queries, 
"How shall I present this study? 
In what order shall my questions 
Be submitted to the pupils, 
So that all may comprehend them?" 
And he understands the branches. 
All about the various studies, 
Ere he undertakes to teach them. 



76 PEDAGOaiCS. 

Bonus, being so familiar 

With \\ie branches he is teaching, 

Always brings some useful knowledge. 

Some collateral information, 

That's not mentioned in the text-book, 

Into every recitation. 

He oft calls upon his patrons. 
Often asks their friendly counsel, 
Takes away wrong prepossessions, 
And so w^ins their kind attachment, 
That they feel an int'rest in him. 
In his school and in his teaching. 

Bonus passes into comp'ny, 
IN'ot to show his store of knowledge, 
isTot to challenge good opinion, 
But to gain some information. 
And to teach, b}' good example, 
Those who take him as their model. 
In his conduct he is manly. 
In his motions he is active, 



BONUS. 77 

In his spirit he is gentle ; 

In his morals, without blemish: 

He lives for a great hereafter, 

And he points those youths to heaven 

Who come under his instructions. 



VIII. 



Pati\ons and Pupils 



If I were to write of patrons, 

I might tell you many strange things 

Of old-fogy sort of people, 

Who were much opposed to free schools, 

Much opposed to education ; 

And oft spoke against their teacher 

In the presence of their children. 

It is hard and it is painful 

For a teacher to have charge of 

Those who're taught to disrespect him ; 

It is foolish, it is wicked. 

For the parents to be prompting 

78 



PATRONS AND PUPILS. 79 

Children to denounce their teacher. 

I might tell jou, too, of parents 
Who were angrj at the teacher 
For insisting that their children 
Should procure some useful school-books, 
Which they greatly stood in need of. 
I might also tell of persons 
Who at heart disliked the teacher, 
For not paying frequent visits 
To their uninviting daughters. 
Many troubles thus engendered, 
Have been told me by some teachers, 
Who tell strange and funny stories 
Of some very silly patrons, 
Whom they blame for difficulties. 
They tell of some senseless persons 
Who find fault with every teacher : 
Though their children oft are abseut, 
Often indolent and tardy, 
Often failing in their studies ; 



80 PEDAGOGICS. 

Yet when they improve but slowly, 
The}^ denounce the teacher for it, 
Hoping to get up a jarring 
Which may end in his expulsion. 

If I were to write of pupils, 
I might tell of strapping big boys, 
Eude, ungracious, spiteful fellow^s. 
Who are sent to school the short days, 
In the coldest part of winter, 
When but little they accomplish 
If they stay at home to labor; 
And who always study mischief, 
Talk of turning out the teacher, 
Think of starting a rebellion ; 
Hence the slightest provocation 
Is the signal for a battle 
'Twixt the rebels and their ruler. 
I might tell of lazy pupils — 
I might tell of stupid pupils — 
Since of pupils there are many 



PATRONS AND PUPILS. 81 

Who have squandered in their youth-time 

Many golden hours and moments. 

There are many lads and lasses 

Who are vulgar in their manners, 

Who are rude and growing ruder, 

Who are hateful in their habits. 

Who are impudent and saucy, 

And who think but very little 

Of attempts at growing better. 

I might also tell of children 

Who are not controlled by parents, 

Who sometimes their parents govern. 

And expect to rule the teacher. 

Or at least refuse subjection 

When they go to he instructed. 

I might tell of vicious children, 

Who seem born to be unruly. 

Who are mischievous and stubborn, 

Who are talkative and restless. 

Who are spiteful and malicious, 

6 



82 PEDAGOGICS. 

And remind you of young demons : 
Sometimes girls with upturned noses 
Make the most outlandish faces 
When they think no teacher sees them. 

But we write no more of pupils, 
ITor tell more about the patrons, 
Till we give you a full hist'ry 
In some hours of future leisure. 



Conclusion. 



When we view the world of teachers, 
We may see there is a diiiereiice 
In the characters and manners 
Of those who impart instruction 
To the risino; creneration. 

Some are manly, some are foppish, 
Some are wise, and some are foolish. 
Some are pious, some are wicked, 
Some are kind, and some are surly. 
Some are prudent, some are simple. 
Some are thoughtless and conceited; 
Some, though moral, have no learning, 

S3 



84 PEDAGOGICS. 

Some have learning, bat bad morals; 
Some improve the precious moments, 
Some waste all their leisure hours; 
Some teach scholars to be careful 
And to speak the truth with boldness; 
Some teach scholars to be careless 
And to use improper language; 
Some teach scholars true politeness, 
By good precepts teach that lesson; 
Some teach schohxrs impoliteness, 
Plainly teach it by example; 
Some make no attempts at order. 
Others try without succeeding, 
"While yet others are successful. 

Should I now attempt to tell you 
All the errors that are common 
And that need to be corrected, 
I might write ad infinitum : 
But 'tis said that ''one fault-mender 
Is worth more than ten lault-finders." 



CONCLUSION. 85 

Let us here exhort the teacher 
To be moral, to be studious, 
Honest and sincere in all things; 
Conscious of his high position, 
Mindful of his chosen duty; 
For the teacher's bad example 
May lead many youths to ruin. 
He should never speak in favor 
Of a special church or order, 
But should ever strive to teach them 
Reverence for the Holy Bible, 
Reverence for its gracious Author: 
And he should attempt to teach them 
To avoid all evil habits. 
And to turn from sin with boldness. 
Mental culture is a mischief 
If the heart is not enlightened 
By the rays of God's good Spirit. 
Let each teacher try sincerely 
To add lustre to his calling, 



86 PEDAGOGICS. 

And so elevate the standard 
Of this great and good profession. 
Oh! remember that your pupils 
Have of life one seed-time only, 
And if they mis-spend this seed-time, 
Precious youth, life's golden moments, 
They can ne'er regain their losses. 

Therefore, let me say to teachers. 
Though I've told you many hard things. 
And might tell you things much harder. 
Do not now become disheartened. 
But exalt your noble mission, 
And rewards will surely follow. 

Teachers, do your duty fully, 
Elevate your aims and standards. 
Purify your thoughts and motives, 
Fill your souls with noble feelings. 
Think that brighter days are coming — 
Days of purer light and knowledge, 
When the teacher's hio'li vocation 



CONCLUSION. 

Shall receive more worthy honors. 
In conclusion, then, I pray you. 
Heed these closing admonitions; 
Labor well for all your pupils, 
Labor for their minds' improvement. 
Labor for their social training. 
Labor for their souls' best welfare; 
Their high destiny rememb'ring; 
Mindful of your lofty function ; 
And the God of Heaven bless you 
With the teacher's richest payment, 
The reward of duty well done, 
Which is more than crowns of laurel 



THE END. 
















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